The Journey Begins

From the back of the blue station wagon with wildly hot wood paneling, provided exclusively to managers by Tupperware, I asked for probably the 76^th time, “Are we there yet?”

“You’ll know when we get there,”  responded my mom Nancy, her patience being seriously tested.

I thought about her answer and found myself wondering, “How will I know if I am there if I have never been there before?  I mean what a dumb answer.”

And after pondering that for all of about 2 minutes, “I asked again,  “Are we there yet?”

Fast forward 33 years, and I return often both to my question and to my mother’s response which doesn’t seem quite so dumb now. 

The milestone birthday of 40 will be here at the end of the year.   Not quite dreading it but also not jumping up and down for it to come, I find myself turning inward never quite content with the here and now, but striving to find the self awareness to know when I am in fact truly there.

So where is there?  That will be the subject of this blog – a journey to break free from the monotony of existing and find the will to really start living.  It will be a personal journey to break free from the black and white and to find comfort somewhere in that gray zone.

It will not be an exercise of merely writing for the sake of writing, but rather conducting a series of experiments to see if we can in fact get there – wherever there is.  And how appropriate given my life circumstances traveling back and forth for work between Portland, Maine and Washington, DC?   I often can hear, “Suitcase in Another Hall” playing in my head as I pack and then unpack and then pack again.

I often get asked by friends, “Which place do you call home?”  Sadly, the answer is never the same.  Some say home is where you hang your hat, but since I don’t wear hats, that won’t work for me. 

And there’s the song from Priscilla – Queen of the Desert where the drag queen sings, “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.”  So they board a bus with a giant high heel shoe on the top and travel across Australia to find themselves.   Well I am certainly not going to try that, but I digress.

I did try clicking my heels three times however, but sadly, just like the hat cliché, that didn’t work either.  “So are we there yet?”  you may ask.   Not yet, but my bags are packed again, and I’m ready to start looking in earnest.  I do believe I’ll know it when I’m there.  Maybe you will too.